Words of Wisdom

Sir Rodney poked his head into my cabin.

“We’ve been called for the meeting at 4.”, he informed, barely composing himself.

I contemplated doing a little jig for a moment but dismissed the idea as quickly. This was unprecedented. We had been short listed by a client for an important project. Most likely a clerical error, but we were in. As of now.

At 3:30, we boarded Sir Rodney’s two wheeled private jet and zoomed towards our destination at supersonic speed. All of 40 kmph. We reached the exalted edifice in time and took a few moments to help bring the adrenalin down to normal levels.

We waited at the reception and were called in while I was dream-talking with sheep number 896.

The 3 of them, 2 ladies and a gentleman, knew Sir Rodney. Which meant that I was the black sheep. Or the ignorant elephant in the room. I chose to leave it at that and shrunk down inconspicuously in my chair.

The meeting started with Sir Rodney making a valiant attempt to explain our proposal and why it was the best in the world.

There were points versus counter points. Arguments versus counter arguments. One versus three. It felt like Wimbledon. With me as the ball boy behind the champion, holding the towel.

After about 48 minutes, the odds overwhelmed Sir Rodney. Wounded and tired, he looked towards me for rescue. The three warriors followed his glance impatiently. There was utter silence.

You could hear your heart beat. If you could blank out the whirring of the AC. And the water flushing in the washroom commode next door. And the dog barking in the parking lot. And the cacophony of the drilling machines on the floors above. Never mind.

Yet, this was my moment. It was now or never. I had to make that one brilliant statement which would decisively tip the balance in our favour. I coaxed my reluctant brain to churn up the tie breaker. And it came to me like a flash of light.

“Anybody for tea?”

I observed Sir Rodney deflate with a small whimper. The three warriors stared at me incredulously. I stared back evenly with shining eyes, full of righteousness and pride. I could hear their brains working furiously. But who has the will to argue against such a logical offer?

They gave up.

The tension eased out over tea. As a result, we did leave a positive impression before leaving on Sir Rodney’s jet. To live and meet another day!

The ABC of the RFP

It fell on Sir Rodney first.

The coveted yet dreaded RFP a.k.a. Request for Proposal – a bunch of forms from a client with blanks to be filled in, questions to be answered and submitted within a deadline to qualify for a meeting in a series of meetings to bag a likely assignment. Whew!

A project that we had smugly thought was in our pocket, had sneaked out in the open for all and sundry to quote. Not a first time for us, but generally we haven’t had much success, alright any success, with Ms. RFP.

Sir Rodney worked on it for 3 days before deciding that it hadn’t suitably budged towards completion. With 2 days to go, panic set in on dot, as forewarned on page 46 in the blockbuster, “RFP for Dummies”.

It eventually landed in my mailbox. I gathered myself and sifted through the formats. Apparently, all were filled properly. Yet there was an air of impending doom.

An innocuous looking Excel file appeared somewhat disturbing. With clammy hands, I clicked it open. In it was a table of questions that scrolled and scrolled and scrolled – till row 538. The response column was completely blank.

I let out a short scream, stood up, hopped around, sat down, rubbed my eyes, looked again, stood up, hopped around again and sat down. That changed nothing in the sheet.

It took me 15 full minutes to gather my wits and control my gurgling stomach. I wished it would go away, but it kept on staring at me, defiantly. So, I scrolled up, up and up to the first row.

In a few minutes, I knew that I needed divine help. This was a minefield of abbreviations: AD, DC, LDAP, SAS, SAAS, IAAS, PAAS, RD, DMZ,IP,T1, VPN, IPSec, B2B,JVM,BES,TLS,SASE, ISO, SSO, OS, PDA, OLA,SLA,VCS, SDLC, RMP, AV, PCI, P2P, B2C, SAML, WS, SSL, BCP, DCP, RTO, DR,UPS, HVAC … GO for Game Over?.

I needed to lie down, but instead called Sir Rodney. I squeaked that we may not be able to answer all the questions. Or rather any of them. Hence, we may use the one abbreviation that we relate to whole heartedly – “NA” for Not Applicable. I thought I heard him break down at the other end, sobbing in relief or grief or both?

So, I generously used the only weapon in our arsenal and was done with. In 5 minutes flat.

The results aren’t in yet. But, I think our record w.r.t. RFPs will stand unblemished and proud. For an “NA” in client speak may well mean Not Acceptable, garnished with pearls that may be a bit difficult to abbreviate!